(about 2004-- written about a year after the death of my brother-in-law, Kip. In his memory...)
Shocked
Something's wrong
I ask what? Why?
The answer quick
and soft.
A trial of faith
Many lessons to learn
Blessings to come
In answer to prayers
"Everything will be okay,"
the Comforter comes.
Helpless
Brothers in tears
No heartbeat,
no breath.
I lied to his mother
unknowingly.
Gratitude
If it comes to death
They were prepared.
His family will be fine.
A miracle and
a blessing.
Denial
It won't come to death
a quiet car ride
The helicopter took him.
Remember
The Spirit said
everything will be okay?
Numb
a lifeless body
on a table
Looking like him
But he is not there
Everyone is crying
I can't cry
Just keep me busy.
Angry
I feel nothing
He can't be gone.
What about her
and their children?
Sorrow;
things I would have said
things I never said
a relationship
I cared about,
was working on.
Faith
Alone in my room
I finally tell him
and God
my regrets, feelings.
I ask why?
I feel a part
of his heart,
his love
rest upon me.
There is work to do.
Somehow I understand.
Empathy
I take that part
of his heart
I try to be there,
listen, understand.
Pray to know
how to help,
when to be there.
Blessed
I worry about giving birth.
I hear his voice
in my mind. Srtange;
telling me
it will go well.
This spirit will come,
not to worry.
Inadequate
She is lonely
I cannot replace him
I cannot take the pain
I don't want to hurt,
don't know what
to do or say.
Hope
I can listen
Be there
She is strong
and has the Lord.
I cannot,
but He can
because He loves us
He suffered,
descended below.
He lives.
The promises are sure.
Reconciled
I miss him.
I will always
feel the ache
in this life.
I will cry silently
in my sleep sometimes
or sob uncontrollably
in public.
The way I see things
will never be the same.
I will not turn away
from pictures, memories,
situations
that will make
all these emotions
come flooding back.
This is pain
and part of life.
And it is mine.
Now
I lift my prayers
to heaven
to know of Christ
and His gospel,
the love unbelievable
and real.
Peace.
