The Finding

Eyes searching

Soul reaching

Hands open

Mind quiet

Heart broken

Listening to friends

Reading, studying books

Sensing spirit

Discerning truth

Stilling soul

Tasting peace

Without answers

Promise

Without knowledge

Amazing faith

Moving mountains

Receiving angels

In the very hour

An open conduit

To home

New-born Soul

This Christmas season I have felt like I am welcoming a New Born into my home again. It is the cherished gift of woman, to bear her own children. I realize the blessing is has been for me that over the past decade and more, this has been the crowning joy of my life, welcoming new born babies, one by one, into my life, my family, my home. There is just nothing else like it.


While that season of my life has ended and Jess and I have ushered in a new season of raising growing children, I have cherished the feelings which have returned this Christmas while singing songs about the tiny little Newborn Baby Jesus. I have thought about his earthly parents and the opportunity and challenge that was theirs of teaching and rearing Him in the flesh. 


Welcoming the Baby Jesus into my heart is akin to welcoming His atonement and testimony into my life. It is a gift, a welcoming, an openness, a joy, peace and blessing. At this season, as we celebrate and honor Him at the time of His mortal birth, we can celebrate also our own re-birth because of Him.

New Born Soul

As I hold

my new-born

smallest, sweetest

baby

Deepest joy

amazement

awe

cords of love

Gift from God

miracle

tenderness

beholding

Think on Thee

New-Born King

came the same

to Mary

May I ever hold

my new-born

soul

made new

Because of Thee

A Friend For All Seasons

She wants to be

Everything good

To everyone.

She is many things:

A daughter, a sister,

A friend,

A wife, a mother,

Depending on the season.

She looks for the good, the love;

Receiving and giving it in turn.

Learning from mistakes,

Growing.

Of all the love she feels,

She wants to feel God's love for her

In every season.

Two friends—sisters

They call, visit, chat, teach.

Aware of changes, trials, sickness,

Achievements, successes.

They care through every season.

She kneels and asks.

She stays and feels

Then acts on those feelings.

They’ve gotten her this far.

They’ll bless her in every season.

To be a friend for all seasons.

A Year of Grief

(about 2004-- written about a year after the death of my brother-in-law, Kip. In his memory...)

Shocked
Something's wrong
I ask what? Why?
The answer quick
and soft.
A trial of faith
Many lessons to learn
Blessings to come
In answer to prayers
"Everything will be okay,"
the Comforter comes.

Helpless
Brothers in tears
No heartbeat,
no breath.
I lied to his mother
unknowingly.

Gratitude
If it comes to death
They were prepared.
His family will be fine.
A miracle and
a blessing.

Denial
It won't come to death
a quiet car ride
The helicopter took him.
Remember
The Spirit said
everything will be okay?

Numb
a lifeless body
on a table
Looking like him
But he is not there
Everyone is crying
I can't cry
Just keep me busy.

Angry
I feel nothing
He can't be gone.
What about her
and their children?

Sorrow;
things I would have said
things I never said
a relationship
I cared about,
was working on.

Faith
Alone in my room
I finally tell him
and God
my regrets, feelings.
I ask why?
I feel a part
of his heart,
his love
rest upon me.
There is work to do.
Somehow I understand.

Empathy
I take that part
of his heart
I try to be there,
listen, understand.
Pray to know
how to help,
when to be there.

Blessed
I worry about giving birth.
I hear his voice
in my mind. Srtange;
telling me
it will go well.
This spirit will come,
not to worry.

Inadequate
She is lonely
I cannot replace him
I cannot take the pain
I don't want to hurt,
don't know what
to do or say.

Hope
I can listen
Be there
She is strong
and has the Lord.
I cannot,
but He can
because He loves us
He suffered,
descended below.
He lives.
The promises are sure.

Reconciled
I miss him.
I will always
feel the ache
in this life.
I will cry silently
in my sleep sometimes
or sob uncontrollably
in public.
The way I see things
will never be the same.
I will not turn away
from pictures, memories,
situations
that will make
all these emotions
come flooding back.
This is pain
and part of life.
And it is mine.

Now
I lift my prayers
to heaven
to know of Christ
and His gospel,
the love unbelievable
and real.

Peace.

Sisterhood

(about 1995)

Become a part of sisterhood
look to heav'n above.
Sing sweet praises to the Lord,
never give up on His love.

He is like a shining star
in a world of night.
Just open wide your heav'nly eyes
and follow His perfect light.

The world around us falls apart,
a friend seems hard to find.
Each of you His gift to me,
angels he sent in disguise.

Like a sister I will be,
we will never part.
I'll always say a prayer for you
deep down inside of my heart.

Together we must work and strive,
this life is not in vain.
For though we know not where nor how,
We know He'll come again.

Grace

( about 2002)

I still don't understand
what happened
my heart broke
I lost all control
I gave myself over
to the nothingness
that lay ahead
I couldn't even
pick up the pieces
the last thing I did
was take the first step
as your voice
told me to do
and I lost
everything
dreams
tears
myself

I wake up every day
to a beautiful place
you built
I'm held in the arms
of love
you provided
on the way here
I experienced
each moment
as you built
a new me
I have
everything
my dreams
more tears
myself
I still don't understand
what happened.

The "Unmasking" Friends

(about 1994 ~ dedicated to Eliza R. Snow "a woman in time")

Truth, Light, and Love
the "unmasking" friends
I learned from woman in time
how each person, each moment,
each lie that we fear
need only to meet
with my three saving friends.

For even the demon
and monster of death,
his pains and his woes
forth to show,
hov'ring the world
each creature, each kind
his mask is of poison,
of blackness, of end.


But then face to face
with our Savior's truth
the blackness and hurt
of the mask melts away.
His light at eye-level
with once-hollow eyes
now brightens
the home-bound way.

His love, like a lantern
that's welcoming home
is clearly deep down inside
in the heart of this lie
that people called death
because they could not
see inside.

And even the day
or the hour it seems
that every clear friend
has retired,
every dear thing has been
taken from you,
nowhere to go. No love,
no company.

But again face to face
with our Savior's truth
the empty-faced,
all -alone mask
melts away.

His light at eye-level
with once-crying eyes
now beckons you
go on your way.
His love like the water
that's quenching your soul
as steadfastly
you're marching on.
The journey this moment,
though lonely, has giv'n
you're learning to look
deep inside.

For even the poor man
who begs on the streets,
his haggard and beaten-worn clothes
and wanting for money,
for shelter, for food,
his mask is of distance,
complacency, greed.

So now face to face
with our Savior's truth,
the distance you feared
in his mask melts away.
His light at eye-level
with once-hungry eyes
shines forth on mankind
equality.
His love like the shelter
that gives your soul rest
now beckons you give,
give to him.
For we are all beggars,
on mercy depend
when beyond these masks
you look
deep inside.

God's Letter

(about 1992)

My dear child,
please try to see it my way,
for I can see much farther
than your eyes,
much farther
than the depths of  your heart
reach.
My love reaches
into the eternities.
Yes,
I know
some days are cold.
The storm, ever so dark
raging all around.
And my child,
this is why you cannot see
but fear not,
find comfort in me,
look to me,
and I promise
you will be happy.
You will find and live happiness.
You will feel joy so strong,
and love all around
forever and a day.
For I know
what your dreams are,
all I have promised you.
Tomorrow you will be troubled
no more. You will look back,
and know that the days before
this day
were there to teach you,
and you grew,
you learned.
You will have your dream,
never knowing pain again.
I promise. And
I love you.

Always There

(about 1994)

My heart is free now.
I can see blue sky.
The storm-clouds cleared away,
the warm sun penetrating my soul.
I can see the land forever
and the mountains towering high.
I can feel my Father's hand leading me.

Broken out of sorrow,
the darkness gone away,
for tonight a star is shining,
the light is healing me.
And I know there's hope forever;
tomorrow starts the climb
until I reach the heavens up on high.

Like a candle in the darkness,
a lighthouse on the sea,
the sunshine in the morning,
Christ is leading me

and I will follow,
so when storm-clouds come again
a ray of sunshine will come through
and warm my troubled soul.

And He is with me
in a room of darkness,
on a stormy sea,
or on a cloudy morning
Christ is always there,
leading me.

The Gift

(about 2000)

Three summers ago
I was given a gift.
I was so young then,
so excited . . .
I ripped it open
expecting . . .
and what I held,
a block of clay.

Ideas . . .
how to shape it,
what I would make it . . .
then . . .
The Lord unveiled
His thoughts to me,
how I should shape,
what it could be.
I shaped as He said
and on command
my precious gift--
back to His hand.

Two summers ago
I was given a gift,
still very young,
wide-eyed . . .
I slowly let the ribbons give,
wondering . . .
and what I held
that block of clay
was in a shape
I recognized.

And like before
the Lord unveiled
His thoughts to me
how I should shape,
what it could be.
I shaped as He said
and on command
my precious gift--
back to His hand.

Last summer
I was given a gift
a little older,
changing . . .
with special care,
and perfect faith
I unwrapped it
with my gentlest touch.
Trusting . . .
and what I held
was a picture instead
of what had been shaped . . .
with a flowered frame.

But in time
I heard the Lord
that all that was mine
was all in my heart
and once again
at His command
my precious gift--
back to His hand.

This summer
I am given a gift
as old as I've been,
preparing . . .
this time it comes
without a wrap,
no covering,
no pretenses . . .
I look inside,
the looking glass
with the flowered frame,
and see for the first time
myself
as part of the shape
we carved
from that long-ago
block of clay.

It looks familiar
is all I can think,
and on the horizon
I hear Him again..
On His command
my precious gift--
back to His hand.

Next summer will come
with another gift.
Older,
wiser . . .
I'll receive it
with my open heart
and listen
to my Lord
and do all I can.
I know I'll need
His loving hands.

Flag

(about 1992)

Oh
American flag, with so much flight and wave
Becoming
Endearing in our hearts, as a joy, a triumph
Shouting
Liberty as would the golden trumpets for a
leader
You- flag, a leader among mankind. Your echo


Rings for all people to look up to, to shout for.


Your stripes are the love, the peace, that we


Must grasp and hold inside. Then, we will live!


F
L
A
G


I


L
O
V
E


Y
O
U

I Have A Heart

(about 1992 ~ What I would ask the Wizard)

Oh Wizard . . .
I have a brain, for I
am well acquainted with my words.
I have courage, for I
write them down on paper.
And Oh Wizard . . .
I have a heart, for these
feelings are so strong and
are pulsing with every beat.

But give me the power to dream
not just for today, but forever.
Could I once or twice be able
to reach up into the open night
and touch the brightest star?

What would happen
if you placed me for a time
in someone else's shoes?
I ask for this so that I
could look through their eyes
and see my own life
with a better perspective.
That might change the heart
I have.
I might grow.

Remember when you were little,
and you stopped all your adventures
just to lean over gently
and smell the roses?
They were so beautiful.

Give me, please, such opportunities.

Have you quite understood
all that I've asked
with all this emotion I write?
I cannot do it justice.
Give me words
that can tell all those I love
how I feel.

Maybe then Wizard . . .
they could know
like you know
that I have a heart
and
I might grow.

Scraps of Life

(about 1994)

I started with a poster board
big, plain, and empty.
There were no mistakes on it.
There were no bright colors,
no design-- nothing to catch the eye.

He told me to come back someday
with some kind of grand design.
He said if I'd remember this,
I'd be the master of a masterpiece.

So I began to imagine
all the great things I could make . . .
polka dots, flowers, big balloons;
All drawn in symmetry,
with precision and prestige.
I thought I'd round the corners
with perfection
and border it with care.
Color only inside the lines
and make it shine with glitter and gloss.
I thought I'd take a ribbon,
weave it to a bow
and fluff it up with wisdom,
surrounding it with delicate lace
and bouncing curls.

But looking up and reaching out
none of it was in sight.
Yet right beside me stood a friend
a smile and a helping hand.

Most journeys go by quickly they say
so today I'm looking back,
examining my poster board,
and recalling that special friend I met.
She traveled every road with me
and gave me moment by moment
scraps she had found on our way.
We piled them up like yesterdays
and always walked on.

Some scraps came from a rose garden pink,
some from a sunny day.
Some were straight from her heart,
others were far off in a big balloon.
Some came from gardens
of apples, strawberries, and sugar peas.
While some came from warm plaid blankets
that sheltered me from the cold.

It was today that I broke down and cried
because I still hadn't made my design.
Until I stepped back to take a good look
and to my surprise . . .
My poster board had become
colorful and bright
etched with wonderful memories,
smiles, balloons, and sunshiny laughter.

No, the corners weren't perfect or round,
the border in and out with sorrow and joy.
Some of the edges were frayed,
but it all came together
and delighted the eye.
All of those scraps my friend
had given me day by day.
And I see that life's like a puzzle.
it can't come together in one solid bound,
but is carefully designed piece by piece
out of scraps from loved ones in life.

On Friendship

(about 1990)

Why did God give me friends?
To look to with understanding,
to see in them my sadness,
find joy in their gladness
so we could be alike,
find what we have in common
and laugh about that.

What I do well
my friend does poorly;
what my friend does well,
I do poorly and that's what I see
when I see my friend;
that I need to work on my weakness,
rely on God, who gave me my friends
to make this weakness a great strength.
Then we can have more things in common.

Why did God give me friends?
To lose myself to in service,
to comfort and to smile at.
To take care of and
to lock in my heart forever.

So I could understand and believe
that we are all sisters and brothers,
each with a different part of Christ in us.
To be there for when someone else can't be,
talk to and make memories with,
remember with and cry with,
write about,
sing about,
hope and dream with,
to stand by.

So when my friend can't see
two feet in front
and the path is dark . . .
just because I'm there,
just because my friend is there,
Christ is also there.

Why did God give me friends?
To never forget,
to hold on to forever-- locked in my heart,
to bring a piece of Christ to me.

Our Puzzle

(to Alpha Omega pledges 1994)

Do you think He knew
where you'd be today?
That His light in your eyes
would shine my way?

Well, He whispers pieces
down deep in my soul
of the puzzle of life.
And now I know

why I felt His love
when you first walked my way
and why I felt it again
when I saw you today.

The picture is whole now,
the feelings so real
I still hardly know you,
but the love that I feel

tells me right now
you belong here with me
and the friends we have made
forever will be.

The pieces together,
His answers are true.
The puzzle's together
now I'm friends with you.

We each are a piece
of a puzzle that fits
the divine touch of God
like a candle that's lit.

I hope you can feel
the warmth of this love,
for your piece in my life
was sent from above.

Patterns

( about 1996 ~ dedicated to my best friend Chrissy and her husband Tom)

Have you ever noticed
a pattern in your lives
of small, even subtle
and completely simple
moments
that encompass reality
and confirm who you are?

They are small pieces of time,
though never measured . . .
and make up
in the confines of your heart
memories;
that form a chain
bound link upon link
into an eternal round.

Each link full of what helped create it:
Love, hope, creativity,
even patience, quiet, faith,
or a light;
so this pattern
will never fade into the shadows.
And the pattern is beautiful,
formed by the Artist of all time,
as a sculpture
carved by the hands of a loving God . . .
and you are the tool.

And you recall
when this compass inside
pointing you toward the next necessary change
felt dead.
And when you turned to the Master
and found you were never to be alone again.
Two patterns begin to be drawn as one.

Changed

(about 2006)

Once you've searched
and have, by some miracle
beheld
your life- as a whole;
it doesn't mean
you can stay there
and have His companionship
at each minute.

It means, sometimes,
loving, without tangibility.
Saying goodbye
and accepting what He's brought you
even though your eyes beheld
a process- incomplete still,
yet to you, it was whole
and
complete.

You love Him
and you will never
be the same.

You search
and search
and everywhere you search
it's incomplete
because your life
for now
is changed.

Dear Mother,

(about 1993)

I just want you to know:
I am grateful; not grateful enough, though
for your hard work.

I hate all the times I disagree with you
or let something you say or do
affect me so much.

But it's so true
that mom is the heart of the home.
I want to be like you,

because you married the right guy,
taught your kids what to do
and what not to do.

You let us, your children
depend upon you, and when we needed more,
depend upon Another.

You let me develop my own character;
we see some things differently,
but we see God the same

and I chose you
to be my mom, because
no other mom would let me be me.

Thank you
for believing in my dreams
If it weren't for you, none would come true

And for letting me go
when other loves-
friends and hobbies, take me away.

Yet also for holding me close
when it's so hard
to grow up and let go

knowing
that sooner than the short time
you've raised me,

my "knight in shining armor"
will come.
And it will be the time

to grow in his care
and leave yours.
But mom,

My love for you
won't change
It will grow

even more.
And you and I,
we'll share (more than most do)

our whole lives
and after that
with everyone we love.

Today
I saw two pictures
by each other.

Both me;
one a baby,
one a woman.

She'll always be
your baby.
I love you, mom.

Being With You

(about 1988)

A magic moment; what could it be?
The breezes of summer, the waves in the sea;
A cold Christmas night by the warmth of firelight,
or under the stars on a moonlit night.
A brilliant sunset against the horizon so great;
A pearly-white castle with wide opened gate.
The song of a bird with an echo like bells;
as it travels through a canyon and a thunderstorm wells.
The glimpse of a dew drop on a bright flash of red;
a rose with its color is better than said.
A secret phrase from a love story true;
And the moments spent just being with you.

Great Creator

(about 1997)

Great Creator
Healer of all
Father; my own spirit's life,
hear my cry this empty night.

I give my worship,
my love, as Thou givest me.
Forsaken I am not.
But stopped I feel.

Thankful for this life,
the opposition Thou hast allowed;
submitting to Thy will.
But know my heart.

For these days shall pass, and soon
I will kneel at Thy feet
my chin resting in Thy scarred hands,
reminding me

bad things happen to good people.
And look, and let you look
into my soul
where no one else has seen,

And cry what no one else can understand
and heal me.

I feel in Thy creations the perfect music
of the wind in the trees,
the rivers of meadows,
the gentle fall of rain.

All You created sings clearly;
pure perfection.
No force, no shove,
but obedience.

Canyons are carved,
things grow and change.

But when angels sing,
it is truth, it is free.
The voice reaches and warms
the hearts of people.

Cold people, hurt people. Existing people.
People You created... perfectly.
People who can become angels
People like me.